dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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