If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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