at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
