3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
