Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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