oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
