Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
