I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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