So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
