I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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