Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
