I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
