6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize