i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
