Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
