I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize