just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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