So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
