Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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