Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
