So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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