i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
