The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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