Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry th3k1dw1ck3d hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(512): View more from Texas

i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving

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(304): View more from West Virginia

it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.

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(954): View more from Florida

Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

No that means he must've used the nipple clamps

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(270): View more from Kentucky

no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake

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(256): View more from Alabama

I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.

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(641): View more from Iowa

But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"

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(901): View more from Tennessee

The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.

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(707): View more from California

How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?

(1-707): View more from California

At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain

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