I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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