Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
