I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
