Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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