ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have aggressive nipples.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
