I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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