Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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