I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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