I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
