I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
