I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
