Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
