bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
