we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
