i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
