How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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