Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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