I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
