If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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