I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
