Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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