what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
