yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
