Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
