I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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