We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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