I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
