it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
