I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
