If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
and you fell through a lawn chair
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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