im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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