I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
