tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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