those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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