genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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