Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
