you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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