Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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