I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
