just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
