I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
