i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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