so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
