Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
