Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
