brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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