I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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