dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
