i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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