i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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